Coffee Means Cappuccino

**[Verse 1]**
Rajan walks in like he owns the café,
Looks at the menu, throws half of it away.
“Espresso? Americano? What is this confusion?
Coffee has one form. This is the conclusion.”

Barista says, “Filter?” — Rajan says, “No.”
“Flat white?” — “Fake news. Please let it go.”
“Latte?” — “That’s milk with identity issues.”
He points at the machine: “I’ll simplify the menu.”

**[Pre-Chorus]**
One shot, two shot, foam on the top,
Anything else and the madness must stop.
You can argue all morning, you can quote Wikipedia,
Rajan has spoken — no need for the media.

**[Chorus]**
**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
Everybody ought to know.
Too much water? That’s a no-no,
Black and bitter? Out you go.

**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
Foamy crown and espresso below.
Call it “coffee” if you want to —
Rajan says: **“Incorrect. Cappuccino.”**

**[Verse 2]**
Someone brings a French press — “What have you done?”
Rajan stares at the plunger like it’s holding a gun.
Cold brew arrives and he quietly sighs,
“That’s bean-flavoured water sold to gullible guys.”

Macchiato? “Suspicious.”
Mocha? “Dessert.”
Instant coffee? “That’s just granular hurt.”
Decaf gets a hearing, but the verdict comes quick:
“If caffeine isn’t present, that’s a psychological trick.”

**[Pre-Chorus]**
Arabica, robusta, light roast, dark,
Rajan draws the boundary, clear and stark.
There’s a cup, there’s some foam, there’s a ratio to know,
And everything outside it has simply got to go.

**[Chorus]**
**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
Everybody ought to know.
Too much water? That’s a no-no,
Black and bitter? Out you go.

**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
Foamy crown and espresso below.
Call it “coffee” if you want to —
Rajan says: **“Incorrect. Cappuccino.”**

**[Rap Verse]**
Check it —
You say “drip,” he says “wrong,”
You say “long black,” move along.
You say “V60,” he says “why?”
“Somebody poured my coffee through office supplies.”

Chemex? Complex.
Aeropress? Distress.
Turkish coffee gets a diplomatic “perhaps.”
But show him a mug with no foam in sight,
And Rajan starts preparing a PowerPoint slide.

Definition on page one, evidence on two,
Page three says, “I’m right — and so are you,
Provided that you’ve finally abandoned your view
And accepted the truth: cappuccino is brew.”

**[Bridge]**
Maybe language changes, maybe words can bend,
Maybe “coffee” is a family with no single end.
Maybe there are cultures with traditions of their own—

…Rajan: “No.”

**[Final Chorus]**
**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
This is all you need to know.
Espresso’s just unfinished,
Latte’s cappuccino gone too slow.

**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
Raise the foam and steal the show.
Every bean on Earth agrees—
At least according to Rajan’s theory.

**Coffee means Cappuccino,**
Say it high and say it low.
If the facts suggest another view…

**Rajan says: “The facts are wrong.”**

**[Outro]**
Coffee?
“Cappuccino.”

Americano?
“Fake.”

Filter?
“Wrong.”

Espresso?
“Prototype.”

Tea?

…“Get out.”