Am I Still...

Look away
You're not supposed to see me dying
Every day
That's all that's left to me for trying
Life astray
It's hard to realize that I'm so
Far away
From light
From day and night
...
Living my life all alone
(I am the darkness attuned)
Longing for pristine reborn
(I am the pain and the wound)
Hoping for finding a way
(I am the curse to be found)
But I'm washed away
(Confused and confounded)
...
Trying to reach for the light
(Step back, stop wasting your time!)
Trying to run with all my might
(Lay down, to repose is not a crime!)
Shutting my ears
(...)
Restoring inner peace...
...
....Waiting for wonder...
...A wonder of living...
...Living for someone...
...Someone is waiting...
...
...Waiting for a saviour...
...Saving the moment...
...Moment of silence...
...Silence of death...
...
...Death is the ending...
...Ending is nothing...
...Nothing else matters...
...A matter of time...
...
...Time is waiting for no one...
...No one is waiting for me...
...
Am I still alive or I am gone?
How to realize that I'm still breathing?
Am I now forgotten or reborn?
Is my being even worthy of living?
...
All I know
Is
I'm all
Alone
...
Sunk into oblivion
I'm eliminated
Weeping in the darkness
Painful and demeaning
...
Walled up in obsidian
Cold and hibernating
Holding to my weakness
Losing all the meaning
...
Losing all the meaning
Losing all the meaning
Losing it all...
...It all...
...
I am the mistress of broken dreams
I am the sound of rusty strings
I am the master of darkest realms
I'm the destroyer of meaning
...
I am the something you can't find
I am the something that's not right
I am the something left behind
I am the something of nothing
...
What am I?
Tell me who I am
Are you here?
Or is it just a sham
...
Can you hear?
The sound of drumming
Is my heart still beating
...Inside?..
...
Is it a pulse?
Or is it strumming
Of factories depleting
...On the other side?..
...
...Tell me now...
Do I still exist?
...Touch me now...
Or is it just a dream?
...Show me the rain...
I just don't want
To die alone
...Again...
...Again...