The promise of the hair

We always said we’d grow together,
I’d let my hair grow long, and you’d cut it after,
But in the meantime, I was cutting my arms,
Like they were paper, searching for the pain inside.
I judged myself like a broken book,
Turning the pages, looking for where I failed,
I was your prisoner, trapped in this anxiety,
Clinging to you, unable to escape.
You cut my breath, and I cut my skin,
We said my hair would be what we’d see grow,
But everything in me broke again and again,
And though I knew it hurt, I couldn’t stop myself.
We always said I’d let it grow,
And you’d cut it when I could understand,
But that day never came, it all stayed in promises,
Between the pain and fear, with no way out, no return.
I drowned in your words, even though I knew they weren’t true,
Three times you betrayed me, and I trusted again,
Every scar spoke to me, screamed its truth,
But I loved you so much, I couldn’t wake up.
I judged myself like a book no one read,
Flipping through pages, finding no salvation,
And though it hurt, I threatened to lose myself,
Because without you, my life was a hollow suspension.
I would always let my hair grow,
And you would cut it... and in the end we did,
The pain still persists on my skin.