Porcelain

Waltzin’ in the hallway, barefoot in the sun rays
spillin’ on the floor
He calls me on a Tuesday, voice a little too vague
He calls me on a Tuesday, voice a little too vague
like I’ve heard it before
Slip into the silence, velvet on the violence
waitin’ for the cue
He says, “you're a secret,” touches where the bruise sits
doesn’t say we're through
But I always knew

It’s him, it’s him, it’s always been, the shadow I fit in
I whisper through the blinds, “is it still a sin if I stay?”
He tells me all the things she used to say
I smile like I mean it anyway
It’s colder now, but not enough to move
And softer than the truth
Only worth dreaming if no one remembers
And I guess I still do

Faint light in the blue
Holds me just like glue

Floating down the stairwell, incense in the dry spell
praying he’ll forget
Laughin’ in a half-life, kissing through the porch light
can’t recall we ever met
He holds me in a soft lie, says it’s just the wrong time
hearts are never true
Watchin’ all the trains go, chasing after shadows
that don’t belong to you
But I still do

It’s him, it’s him, it’s always been, the ghost beneath my skin
I tell him through the glass, “heaven's just a room we pass”
He talks about her voice like it’s a past
But I can see her name beneath the ash
It’s quieter now, but loud enough to sting
Like rain that doesn't cling
Only worth lying if someone believes it
And I do, every spring

A hush that never leaves
Still presses on my sleeve

It’s him, it’s him, it’s always been, the space I try to win
I write it on the glass, “this isn't love, but it's close”
He laughs like I’m the one he almost chose
Still leaves before the final shadows close
It’s softer now, but still it pulls me through
And I let it, like I do
Only worth fading if someone still sees it
And maybe, maybe you do

Porcelain hours break in two
But I carry what’s left of you